Back in 6th grade, I was young. I did not have a care in the world. If I liked something I would eat it. I was pretty tiny back then, but usually the tallest in my class.
7th came around and things got worse. I guess you can say I just hated food. I never had breakfast, when I rarely did it would just be a yogurt. For lunch at school I never ate. I would never pack a lunch or I would just throw away what my parents gave me. It was not until a few months into 7th grade when my friends started to worry and called me anorexic and told me I needed to eat. Truth is, back then I did not care really about my weight, so I was not trying to starve myself. I just hated eating. I didn’t think anything was wrong with me before my friends started telling me this. I was a very picky eater back then, and still am now. I was not trying to loose weight. But people kept commenting. Telling me “Oh your so skinny!” or ” I wish I could be as skinny as you!” and I did not respond to those comments. After coming home from school, I had nothing more then a little snack. When dinner came around I would only take a few little nibbles. My parents got really worried and started yelling at me to eat, taking away privileges like texting and going to the computer. Looking at it now I did not know how serious it was, because after that I still refused to eat. Late nights I would be lying in my bed until 1 or 2 am, starving. It was bad . I was feeling so empty and so weak. Mostly every night I went downstairs and had a little fruit or something. My dad was often down there that late and would talk to me about eating.
Until around March in the 7th grade, they were holding volleyball tryouts. I desperately wanted to make it, I knew I could. I had potential. I had my physical doctors appointment and they said I was underweight. The doctor asked me if I was trying to starve myself because of the media (magazines, ads, etc.), I simply said no. Back then I was about 5’6 and weighed 98 pounds. I weighed less then my friends who were by far shorter then me. I knew I could not make the team if did not eat, they wanted strong girls with meat on there arms. Two weeks prior to tryouts, I started eating like there was no tomorrow. I raided the fridge had much for breakfast and by the time tryouts came around I was about 103 pounds. Not that much of a difference but still. The tryouts were 2 hours long, after the first day I made it! There were 2 cuts and I made the first one. When I went to the second one after 2 hours of non stop work and no water I felt like I was going to faint. I was too weak. I felt dizzy, my head was throbbing and my vision was blurry. The lights were too bright. I left and had to sit aside. I did not make the team.
When summer came around, I started eating more. I honestly think that volleyball saved me. Without trying out, I think I would probably weigh around 100 pounds now which is way underweight. Over the summer, I gained about 7 pounds! But going into 8th grade I still got called those things, anorexic and such. I just ignored it, because it wasn’t true. I started eating more breakfast with nutrients, packing a fulfilling lunch and having a nice dinner. Then I got into high school and now I started eating more which now leads me to 116 pounds. I am pretty happy with myself, I want to stay around the rang of 110-120.
My weight has always been switching around throughout the past few years, but now I am trying to make it more stable. I guess now from all of this I learned that I have to eat in moderation. Not too have too little but not overdoing it. I guess this applies for everything. I mean it is good to eat healthy all the time, but it would be no fun if you did not treat yourself once in a while.
Another little story separate from this is my line of failure.
In 6th grade, I auditioned for a drama club at our school and didn’t make it.
In 7th grade I auditioned for the same drama club again and didn’t make it. I also tried out for the volleyball team and auditioned for a character in a theatre class. I didn’t make the team. And I didn’t get the character I wanted, I got a made up one by the teacher that only had 2 lines.
In 8th grade I gave up.
It’s 9th grade now, and I’m trying again. I learned that acting wasn’t really my thing, and went to a volleyball summer camp and made this years team. And now I want to achieve a healthy lifestyle, which is to be continued..
As I add this now it is almost mid-July. Around when summer started and school ended I have not been feeling good at all. I was very thin, weak and pale and volleyball was over. Since the new year started I wanted to be healthier, I wanted to look good for summer. I was not fat at all, but I did not have much muscle and was kind of out of shape. So I completely changed my diet. I completely excluded any desserts and sweets for 3 months. I only got about 20 grams of fat a day typically, maybe even less. I worked out everyday and did ab exercises 2-3 times a day. I never ate junk food, and when we ate out I would get a small salad or a small portion of chicken. I did not realize how much pain I was causing my body until kind of recently. I became obsessed, it was very unhealthy. I went to the doctors a few weeks ago and they thought I had malnutrition, I was 5’7 and my lowest weight this year was 103. It got bad but I knew this was not all me. There was still something wrong with my body which I am still unsure of that is making me loose weight. Anyway, I was told not to exercise so I have been on a break for a while. I am back to 120 and am trying to maintain it if not gain a few pounds more. I want to get better again so I can exercise and train. I am not afraid to eat junk food anymore. You can still have what you want, just in moderation.